My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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