he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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