My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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