I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
