I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
