I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
