I wannas sexs uuuuu
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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