At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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