hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
