You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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