Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
