In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
