you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
