I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
