Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i permit you to call me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
