i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
