i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize