Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
