You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best revenge is premature balding
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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