I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Are we still banned from the library?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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