I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
