I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
