She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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