You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
