He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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