Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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