Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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