I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
