So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
