I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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