i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
