Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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