she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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