girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
