do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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