Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
