Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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