Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
