I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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