Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
