i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
