doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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