Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
