How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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