why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
