you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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