On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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