Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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