If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
