This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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