Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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