Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
