I wanna passion pit in your ass
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
