guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
