You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
