Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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