Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
