i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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