I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
