At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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