Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
