remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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