I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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