How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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