hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
