she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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