No awkward lesbian experiences without me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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