Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
