You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
