so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize