you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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