ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
