I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
